Marrying My Best Girlfriend

In honor of Valentines Day (a holiday either adored or despised depending on your perspective and relationship status) this post is about falling in love, which in my case was by accident and without realizing it was happening at all.  

Getting married robbed me of one of my best god-given skills, dating.  In my late teens and early 20's I really was (if I do say so myself) an exceptional dater.  Attracting others and starting a romantic connection really is a game and to play it well you need to know which cards to throw when, which parts of yourself to fluff up and which to hide all together.   You need to be able to adapt and predict your partners next move before it happens, know when to pull away and when to open up a little.  

I understood pretty early on that romantic relationships with the opposite sex were best played carefully and coyly.  My trouble was knowing when to stop playing the game and being able to develop trust and true caring for a person who I had looked at for weeks as an opponent in an elaborate chess game I was determined to win (sometimes only for the sake of saying I won).  For me, romantic relationships were based on pretty rocky ground, not quite a lie but definitely a partial truth, making it almost impossible for me to truly let my guard down, let alone fall in love.  If I had continued to date in attempt to make a romantic connection, hoping that it would eventually lead to love and marriage, I am fairly confident I would still be single today.  But that sly little devil called love, found me another way entirely.  

Things with my husband, Sean, might have started with an awkward dinner and a quiet movie and ultimately led to nothing at all, except that when I first met him in the year 2000 Sean was deathly shy and, in large part due to past relationships, terrified of girls.  So when I smiled and flirtatiously tossed the handouts to the cute but prematurely balding boy behind me in labor history class, I got no response, figured he must be a loser for not finding me adorable and moved on.  Fortunately for all involved, our paths crossed again when we were both at our favorite bar with our buddies.  Sean's BFF was interested in my BFF.  The boys invited my girlfriend and I to sit at their table and while we did hit it off, there were no sparks to be seen, no feelings of instant romantic chemistry.  Instead, we became friends- the generic, platonic kind. 

But, as often happens when boys and girls become friends, Sean got into a relationship with someone who didn't appreciate him having a female side-kick and confidant, and we grew apart.  By the time that relationship ended, I was in the middle of a long term relationship myself.  Sean became our plus one and was often seen out and about with my boyfriend and I.  When I wanted to stay in but my BF wanted a night on the town, Sean would stay home and play a board-game with me or watch television.  If this was a movie, some flakey romantic comedy, most of you would already know what was going to happen next and who would end up together but Sean and I were both blind to the path we were on.  Sean became known as "my best girlfriend" (this was how I introduced him) and even as my current relationship was falling apart, advised both my boyfriend and I to try and work it out, and supported and comforted us both when it didn't.  

In those next few months Sean and I became fairly inseparable.  If either of us was aware of any romantic feelings, we hid them pretty well.  I dated other people.  Sean kissed other girls.  We were totally oblivious, until we weren't, and then we were terrified.  The other two times I fell in love I knew it was happening, I could feel myself falling.  It was like jumping to the earth from space, there was time to think about it, maybe even time to catch yourself if you really wanted to.  This was like a car accident where one moment you are driving safely on a familiar street and then, after dozing off for just a second or two, you find yourself off the road and crashed into a large tree.  By the time I realized I was in love with my now husband it was far too late to pull back, put my guard up, or pretend to not be quite so flawed.  And he will tell you it was pretty similar for him too.  So, while watching Keanu Reeves (possibly the worst actor in the universe) in The Lake House, we owned up to our feelings and decided to give it a go.  

Almost six years later, my very best girlfriend is now my husband.  Together we have a mortgage, a decent CD collection, and three small children.    Because it feels like we have been friends forever, and because he loved me and really knew me long before he ever tried to get in my pants, I trust him entirely and don't ever feel like I need to hold anything back.  We laugh a lot and still think the other is pretty cute and fun to be around to boot.  

So, on this Valentines Day I feel the need to thank Cupid (or whoever is up there looking out for misguided people like Sean and I) for helping me to find and fall in love with my science loving, story telling, big belly buttoned, husband.  I hope that if you (the reader of my little blog) don't currently have this kind of love that you have faith that it is on it's way to you.  Keep your eyes and heart open, it might be coming in an unexpected way.