Better You Than Me

32 weeks pregnant with my girls & feeling pretty good about it!

So anyone that has ever been pregnant can tell you that people say some pretty dumb "insert expletive" to women who appear to be with child.  When I was pregnant with my son I was shocked by the comments and questions of some of my friends, family, and acquaintances, let alone total strangers.  For some reason many people seem to feel like pregnant women no longer have the right to their personal space bubble or a right to keep private information private.

But my experiences with the stupidity (maybe ignorance is a kinder, more appropriate word) of some during my first pregnancy, did not even begin to prepare me for the comments, questions, and general demeanor of people when they discovered I was having twins.  My girls are now 9 weeks old and I am still haunted by some of the awkward conversations I was faced with at a time when I was already pretty uncomfortable.  

Please don't get me wrong, most people were totally lovely and supportive about my family almost doubling in size.  I found the words of moms of multiples to be especially calming, positive, and helpful.  But some people would have been much better off with a simple "hello" in passing or "congratulations" when told of my crowded uterus.  

Since having my girls comments of the insensitive variety have not stopped but now that my daughters are here and I've found I am still able to breathe, speak, walk, and perform other functions essential for life, these comments don't have the ability to shake me as they once did. 

So here it is, for your viewing pleasure, my list of things NOT to say to someone who has or is prengant with twins.  And yes, all of these things were said to me at least once.

• "Was it planned?"  Come on people, really?  Who plans for twins?!  I'm not sure if these people (yes, this is one that I've been asked several times) were really inquiring about our use or nonuse of fertility drugs or to see if our daughters were conceived through IVF, which, in case you were wondering, is also not okay to ask.  Or perhaps they were questioning if the pregnancy itself was planned, once again, unless you are a really close friend, not appropriate to ask of a stranger or causal acquaintance.  

• "You know how hard that's going to be, right?"  Didn't your mother ever tell you that if you can't say anything nice you shouldn't say anything at all?  Basically telling someone that you think the rest of their life is going to be a living hell isn't nice, not nice at all.   

• "Why don't you hurry up and have that baby already?"  This is actually not okay to say to any woman at any time, ever.   A total stranger said this to me at the mall.  You should have seen her face when I told her in my bitchiest voice that I certainly hoped that I wouldn't have my babies any time soon, since I was only 30 weeks along!  Take that, jerk!

• "You look about 6 inches bigger than last week!"  Or any other comment that involves guessing about  size or weight increase.  Bottom line if you wouldn't (or better yet shouldn't) say it to a woman who is not pregnant, then it is equally not okay to say it to a woman with child or in my case, children.  

• And the most annoying thing ever said to me regarding having my girls, "Better you than me."  I'm not sure why this one bothered me so much, perhaps it was the tone and body language of this total stranger.  Said woman looked at me like I had some contagious disease that she might catch if she got too close.  I'm not a violent person but I'm pretty confident that if she had stuck around much longer she would have instead caught my fist on her face (not very school counselor like of me).  

I'm sure if I kept thinking about it I could come up with at least a dozen more bothersome comments but I feel the need to contain this rant and get back to the wonderful world of my three cute little monsters and all the smiles, throw up, love, and blow-outs they give me.  Because honestly, even though I have considered calling a mental institution once or twice, it is an amazing life and I feel so lucky to be living it.  

Double duty!