God, The Universe, and Other Things Spiritual

I was talking with a girlfriend yesterday about how none of my kids are baptized, which makes sense since I was never baptized either.  My immediate family isn't religious.  In fact, as a kid I was envious of my friends who went to church every Sunday and would beg to go with them.  I was also obsessed with angels and, at one point, had quite the collection going (figurine angels, not real flying ones).  Since my parents were obviously not the people to talk to about religion, they had me call a family friend with all of my religious and spiritual questions (and I had a lot).  Religion and spirituality have always been something I have been incredibly interested in.  I've just never found a religious or spiritual group whose beliefs match my own to share said interest with.

Not being baptized never bothered me before.  I am fairly confident that if my soul is in jeopardy it has nothing to do with whether or not water was thrown on my head (no disrespect to the ritual, which I actually think is beautiful)  and more to do with the choices I have made.  But having children changes everything and, on the off chance that taking that first sacrament does bring you eternal life or a space in heaven or whatever, I want my kids to have that.  In fact I want them first in line (in 100+ years when they have lived long and happy lives, of course).  But if I did go ahead and baptize my three amazing children it really wouldn't be about a relationship with god, it would be about succumbing to social pressures (not a fantastic reason to tie your child to a particular religious group).  

So again I struggle with the question, what do I truly believe about why I'm here on earth and what happens after I'm gone?  Actually scratch that, I'm pretty clear on why I'm here and have a vague but satisfactory (at least for me) idea about what happens next.  The question I struggle with is, what do I do with that knowledge and who can I share it with?  I love the idea of getting together with a group of like minded people and talking about respect for life, taking care of other human beings, and the power and energy of the universe.  I would absolutely be down for that and I would love for my kids to be part of a larger spiritual community.  But like I said before, finding this imagined spiritual community has been a challenge.  

There is this great quote in a movie (if you know what movie it's from let me know because I've forgotten) that goes something like this, "there are two things I know for sure; there is a god, and it isn't me."  This is sort of where I am.  I have always known that there was some kind of higher power, some master plan, some bigger energy.  I have felt it like I have felt my heart beating inside my chest.  I've always known it was there keeping me moving, keeping me centered.  Here's the hallmark of what I believe: we are here to learn and make positive connections with each other, the more we do those things the closer to "god" we get.  I use the term god very loosely (I apologize if that offends you, it isn't meant to).  I could also use "the universe" or "higher power" because I'm not really sure what "god" (or whatever) looks like and I'm okay with that.  In my view, it only matters that I have great respect for whatever it is that is out there watching over me and the people I care about.   

In my early 20's I scoped out several different houses of worship trying to find one that fit me and my simple little beliefs.  Four years of Catholic school taught me (among others thing) that I definitely wasn't Catholic.  It also left me with a lot of respect for the nuns that instructed me, and my classmates who found great comfort and inspiration from the Catholic Church.  It worked for them, it just wasn't a great fit for me.  The other religions and denominations I looked into were also not meant for my unclaimed, wandering soul.  What I discovered during that time is that I am just not Christian or, I think, meant for any of the world's organized religions.  


I have two issues with Christianity that keep me from jumping on board.  Number one, I don't get the extra special child thing (aka- Jesus).  That would be like deciding a few years down the road that my children are badly behaved and disrespectful and the answer is to have another baby who will be extra special and so awesome that my other kids will shape up.  If "god" was displeased with us, why not make us all a little bit better?  My other stumbling block is the only "we" go to heaven part.  "We" meaning only those who have accepted Jesus as their savior or, in some cases, even more specific than that.  So, here I am doing things to help others, respecting life, and being grateful for everything I have but I get passed over for the paradise of afterlives because I didn't believe in the right god?  But someone else can be a selfish jerk and walk hand in hand with Mother Theresa because he/she was baptized and accepted the right lord?  Nope, don't buy it.  Everything else I could accept.  Hell, I already know the 12 disciples and the colors of the liturgical year (thank you mandatory religion classes).  I figure I'd be ahead of the game.    

I am sincerely jealous of those of you who have found a religion or spiritual group to be a part of.  I want that for myself and for my family.  I don't want my kids to have to beg their friends to go to "church".  I want to be able to provide them a place to let their spiritual center grow and then they can tag along with their buddies to get another perspective (always a good thing).  So, my blog friends, I'm putting it out there to you.   My soul (so to speak) is up for grabs.  Any takers that meet my criteria?  Anyone up for starting our own little "god" group?  I'm all ears and spirit!